where to find the state of flow and fertility, and what it means for me to live my life?
by Jamilya Imankulova
I will tell you one parable:

One day gods got together and decided to have some fun.
One of them offered:
- Let's take something important and necessary away from people.
After giving it a thought someone exclaimed:
- I know! Let's take away happiness from them! But where could we hide it, so that they would have to put efforts searching for it?
Another god suggested:
- Let's hide happiness at the top of the highest mountain!
- No, people are strong and someone for sure will reach the top and find it, and then all other people will find out where happiness is, - he was objected.
Then another god got up:
- Let's hide it at the bottom of the ocean!
He was answered:
- Don't forget, people are curious enough, and they will definitely invent a diving machine. They will find happiness at the bottom of the ocean!
- Perhaps we could hide it on another planet, away from the Earth - , contemplated a goddess.
- Remember - they said to her - that we made them quite smart and one day they will come up with a ship that will travel the space and then they will find their happiness.
And then god who was keeping silent until then and listened carefully, said:
- I think I know where to hide happiness so that people search for it for a long time.
Everyone intrigued looked at him.
- Let's hide happiness inside of them. People are so preoccupied with external things that they will look for happiness everywhere, and they will not even think to search for happiness inside of them.
And all gods agreed!
Since then all our life we are busy searching for happiness outside, not knowing that it is hidden within ourselves.



So what am I talking about?

I am talking about selfHarmony which to my point is a basic state for our frequent meetings with our feeling of happiness, for living our lives in joy and mindfulness.
Thanks to our internal Harmony we become more Kind, we bring Peace and do Good things, show Empathy and Sympathy...

Tell me, have you ever had your sincere love and joy? Your spiritual moments and bright emotions? Have you set and achieved your goals?
Definitely! At least once but each and every of us. And we enjoyed that feeling, right?
But unfortunately these states are much more rare than we would want it. Many of us spend most of their lives searching for that same Happiness - their Dream and Destiny, their talents and desires instead of realising them and living them here and now.

You would ask: «Where to start?». Where is that roadmap that would help us to find the state of harmony as a source of Happiness? Where are those guidelines that would help us to Live our Lives and our Dreams? Unfortunately this roadmap does not exist as every person has his own unique way. There are knowledge and experience that can get you close but each person has own ones.

I will share my lessons that help me in experiencing (and great thing is that it happens more and more often) that state of flow, energy and joy from living every day of my Life.


First important lesson

But first tell me: «Where (in which part of your body) do you feel fear and shame? And where do you feel joy, anticipation of something exciting, love? Where do you feel "butterflies"? Show me.

Right, all of this happens in the same place. In the same place where we fell pain, disappointment, shame and fear we also feel empathy, love, joy and belonging!

We cannot simply "close the tap" of so called negative emotions, leaving us only what we want to keep or what we think helps us to be liked by others. Because we cannot split ourselves into parts, because we are the whole like day and night, cold and warmth, light and dark, yin and yang.
Only when I understand and accept my own integrity and let it exist, the magic happens. The Door to Myself, to where the Happiness lives, opens then.

Exactly at this moment of time when I am composing this text or present it, or do my coaching sessions, I accept myself. I can be interesting and not really, some of you find my subject valuable and some are in their phones or think about something else...
Am I excited? For sure! But at the same time I believe in magic power of sharing your knowledge, skills and experience.

To be Brave enough to be yourself and accept your Gifts of Imperfection is the first and basic lesson.


Second lesson is about continuous work on searching and accepting your individuality and authenticity. This is about who I really am. This is my Sincerity towards the world around me.

I, with my values and interests, strengths and weaknesses, desire to create and not always be confident, change and be changed!

Authenticity and sincerity is a gift we receive when coming to this world.
But it happens that with time, under external circumstances (education, opinion of others) many of us lose this ability to be themselves.
But there is a good news: authenticity can be trained. That is cool, right? Authenticity is a skill that can be developed through the work on ourselves, constantly making a choice in favor of our own sincerity and integrity, in favor of our own internal values, talents, individual features that form a unique pattern of our Life.

How can we recognise that same sincerity and individuality in a person?

You just know it. You feel it! You see the person for the first time, and you trust them straight away, accept them and allow them to your space. Because you just know who they are and which Universe is there. You just know that this Person is real!


Third lesson. Perfectionism /Excellence syndrome, that most of us are well familiar with

Do you know that perfectionism is a cognitive process? This is not about the desire to do well. It turned out that perfectionism is primarily about the desire to avoid assessment and blame from people who are important to us, and, as a result minimise our feeling of shame.

If to talk about myself, it appeared in the desire to be a super mom, a super partner and wife, and also a super boss and colleague.
For a long time I used to be in the state of permanent perfectionism, and still I become its victim time to time.

To do well is definitely cool but aim for Perfection... it's not worth it. That's the desire to do perfectly well that brings to the burnout, never started things and unachieved dreams, and, mainly, continuous postponing of living our Life, Life of our Dream, Life full of harmony and happiness!

The way it usually looks: "I will start doing what I like once I graduate / retire I will earn my first million / find the job of my dream / become an expert. I will change something in my life once I am completely ready.I will start singing once I can perform as La Scala opera singer."
Each of us has our long list.

I, for example, believed for a long time that I cannot sing and will never be able to. However few years ago I challenged myself, started to learn with the great professional, jazz musician, and moreover, (although I was not even close to being ready for professional performance) I performed for a big audience.
Was I perfect? – Nope. Was I scared? – Definitely!
But I did the best I could at that moment and felt enormously satisfied and proud for moving away my perfectionism at least for some time.

How to start your way? How to come to your integrity, authenticity and move away your gorgeous perfectionism?
I started with simple but same time complicated thing. I started with focus on what I already have amongst my talents and strengths, and most important not from the position of fear and lacking but from the position of love and abundance.
I have a great family, my very best girls, wonderful partner, plenty of interesting projects, colleagues, friends, value of what I am doing, roof over my head... Each of us has our long and beautiful list. Just open your heart and it will definitely show you all you need.

And also Gratitude practice. The tool that charges us on the way to our Harmony and Happiness. And let it help you!

Start changing, project your sincerity and integrity to the world, and then everything around you will start magically transform. Just start.

And I want to sum up with the words of one wise man:
"Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself".

Take care, JI

My understanding of Brené Brown's book «The Gifts of Imperfection»
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